You don’t always see it at first. Toxic and emotionally abusive relationships often begin with charm, connection, and the illusion of safety. But over time, the red flags become harder to ignore—and the cost of staying becomes too high.

You start to question your own instincts. You silence your discomfort to keep the peace. Maybe you tell yourself it’s not that bad, or that you’re just being sensitive. But slowly, you lose parts of yourself—your joy, your confidence, your voice. Emotional abuse is insidious because it’s designed to make you doubt what you know deep down: that you deserve more. If you are wanting to break free, this tips can help.

1. Acknowledge the abuse

Start by being honest with yourself and acknowledge that it is happening. Abusers are masters at making you deny your reality, and you’re probably good at making excuses for them.

So, ask yourself how you really feel in this relationship. Can you be yourself? Are your needs getting met? Do you feel respected and honored? 

2. Connect outside of the relationship; build a support system

2. Connect outside of the relationship; build a support system

Make sure you have a solid support system in place. Reach out to loved ones who genuinely care about you, or create new connections with support groups or therapists. 

3. Process Emotions

Understanding your emotions and giving yourself a safe place to feel them is important. Healing is revealing; the grief, sadness, and forgiveness to yourself and others is part of the healing journey. 

4. Leave and go-no contact

If you can end the relationship, it is wise to do so to project yourself and loved ones. No one deserves to be abused. Going no contact will help you heal and move forward.

5. Focus on yourself

Start to process your emotions with healthy behavioral and therapeutic processes, such as trauma therapy, life coaching, mindfulness therapy, somatic exercises, meditation, mantras, personal development workshops and books, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT), Attachment and Biobehavioral Catchup (ABC), family therapy, etc. 

6. Practice self-love & care

Showing up for yourself and putting yourself first is the foundation for a strong healthy mind, body, and soul. The more you take care of yourself, the less you will be able to be manipulated or swayed into someone else’s web of deceit.

7. Detach from projections

Start to untangle yourself from the lies the abusers cast onto you. Many of them are bullies who are projecting their own fears, telling you that you’re worthless and won’t amount to anything. These things are not truths. Detach and uncover your true self. 

8. Set firm boundaries & new standards

Start to put up firm boundaries and learn about manipulation tactics, how to spot liars, and guard yourself from a place of love. Know your worth and set new standards for who and what you will allow in your life. 

The takeaway:

Here’s the thing: this isn’t just your ex or your current partner, father, or mother-in-law—it’s an energy. This righteous, neglectful, “my needs are more important than yours,” controlling, selfish, manipulative energy is a consciousness. It is a type of energy that festers in society and gets passed on subconsciously throughout generations.

This selfish, abusive, complete disregard for other human life is impacting our mental, physical, and spiritual growth. And the only way to stop it is to be aware and refuse to allow it.

Written by Shannon Kaiser