For manipulative people and those with dark-triad traits, things like emotional withholding, twisting the truth, and ego-boosting behavior aren’t anomalies—they’re everyday strategies. Sure, everyone’s told a white lie here and there (like calling in “sick” when you just need a mental health day). But the lies spun by master manipulators are on a whole different level—crafted to control, confuse, and conquer.
It’s no wonder true crime is one of the most-watched genres today. These psychological puppeteers both disturb and fascinate us. While psychopathy affects an estimated 4.5% of the adult population—more common in men—the rest of us are left wondering, “How could someone even think to do that to another human being?” We assure ourselves we would certainly know better, of course, if we ever got caught in the crossfire of a con-artist.
I was there too, priding myself on being a smart, educated, independent woman (a prime target for master deceives, by the way), yet it happened to me multiple times. Not only was I targeted by a con-artist who faked an entire friendship to steal as much as he could from me, disappearing like a thief in the night after he got what he wanted, but I also found myself entrapped in a romantic swindler’s web of lies and deceit.
Eventually, I realized a the majority of my relationships for decades were with master manipulators—and I had no idea I was being emotionally abused.
The problem is most people think everyone else is like them
Compulsive liars assume everyone else is a liar too, plotting ways to get one over on them, whereas empathic people think everyone is telling the truth and would never dream of hurting another with deceptions.
But the harsh reality is, some people make a living out of compulsive lying. And with the rise of education around narcissistic abuse, we are expanding into a time in human history where the wolves who skated by, can no longer masquerade in sheep’s clothing, for humanity is demanding we do better by each other.
Effectively, hurt people do not get a free pass to go around and continue to hurt more people. We are now living in a trauma-informed world.
Nevertheless, there, unfortunately, will always be people who don’t want to do the inner work. They are used to deceiving and manipulating others to get their way, but their tactics only work if you don’t recognize them. To ensure you aren’t being taken advantage of, used, conned, or manipulated, here are the top telltale signs to watch out for.
1. Contradictory gestures
Someone who is lying will not always recognize their head and heart are out of alignment. When you ask a manipulator a question and they say, “Yes,” but their head shakes, “No,” or vice versa, take note. You most likely have a liar on your hands.
2. Listen for change in tone of voice & sentence structure
A master manipulator knows how to use their voice to direct conversations, play off your emotional touch points, and get what they want. They use their tone and vocal range to elicit responses. When someone is lying, you will hear their voice move out of baseline, either higher pitched or lower than their normal speech pattern. Pay attention to inflections and you can catch a liar.
3. They have all the answers & offer too many or vague details
When you ask someone, “What did you have for dinner last night?” or, “What did you do this weekend?” someone who is not lying may pause for a moment and think about it, but a liar will have the whole answer planned out. They overthink and overshare to avoid any pitfalls and questions being returned. If their story seems too smooth, it probably is.
The same goes if they are vague, withhold information, or purposefully leave out details to create projections for you to fill in the blanks and create a story that keeps them off the hook from telling the truth.
4. Observe micro-facial expressions
Even the most skilled master manipulator has micro-facial expressions that will give their lying lifestyle away. When I was involved romantically with the swindler who tried to love bomb his way into my heart, every lie he shared was obvious to me in part because I knew him well as a person, and when he lied, there were micro-facial tweaks that always revealed his truth.
A small smirk of the lip when he thought I was believing his lies, the slight squint of his eyes and dilation of the pupil when he thought the triangulation attempts were working, etc. Micro-facial expressions will give them away.
5. Watch for when they stop talking about themselves
When a liar is trying to cover up something, they will often remove the “I” and “we” from their story. They may even talk in third person, or they may triangulate, bringing in another person’s name to take attention off themselves.
If the person you feel suspect about keeps talking about other people or not really talking about themselves, take note, you could have a master deceiver on your hands.
6. Repeating the same story over & over
With master manipulators, they have a bag of tricks and pull out the one-trick pony. If you hear the same story again and again, almost word-for-word, even after months or years, chances are you have a liar who uses this story for their own deceptive attempts to pull one over on you.
7. Stories don’t line up
Always pay attention to stories and what they say, but also when and how they say it. The romantic swindler I got involved with lied in almost every conversation we had.
He said after a couple weeks into dating that he couldn’t hang out an upcoming weekend because he was going camping with friends. Yet a month later, he mentioned causally in conversation his camper had been broken for five months and he hadn’t gone camping in ages.
Major and minor inconsistencies should are glaring red flags. If your recollection of events is different from theirs, you could be being gaslit and lied to. Always pay attention to inconsistencies and actions not matching words.
If you ask them directly and they dodge your questions or give you vague answers, this is further proof you are interacting with a deceiver.
8. Your gut instinct tells you something is off
In every situation where I was being deceived, I abandoned myself to give the other the benefit of the doubt. I would ignore the inner voice that kept yelling, “Something is off, don’t trust this person,” and let myself believe, “Everyone has good in them, and I see the potential.’
Don’t override your intuition. It’s your secret weapon for recognizing when things are not as they seem, so trust it.
The takeaway
Master manipulators use lies like the rest of us breathe air, and when it comes second nature to someone, it’s wise to adjust your expectations in relating to them. You can limit interactions when you sense you’re being lied to and set healthy boundaries.
As author of When Your Lover Is A Liar, Donna Frazier, suggests, write down important conversations, firmly question details that don’t add up, and perhaps most importantly, don’t take it personally.
At the end of the day, you can limit your interactions with someone you sense is deceiving you, go no-contact and cut them out of your energy, and align with people who value honesty and integrity.
Your mental health is important, and when you are involved with someone who doesn’t see the value in honesty, you can gently move away, and say, “I deserve better, and I know my worth.”
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