Conflict is part of life. From family drama to friendship fallouts, even workplace tension, we’re bound to bump up against disagreements. But here’s the truth: sometimes it isn’t the conflict itself that drains us. It’s the dynamic with the person on the other side of it.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling more confused, belittled, or dismissed than before, chances are you weren’t just navigating conflict, you were experiencing signs of a toxic dynamic.
Over the years, both in my personal healing and in my work as a trauma-informed mindset coach, I’ve noticed some key patterns that reveal whether a relationship has the capacity to be healthy or whether it’s keeping us stuck in cycles of pain.
Here are some important questions you can ask yourself the next time you’re navigating tension with someone in your life.
1. Are they handling things in a timely manner?
When conflict arises, healthy people want to work through it. They may need a little space, but they won’t disappear for weeks or punish you with silence.
If someone gives you the silent treatment, stonewalls, or withholds resolution, it’s often less about solving the issue and more about punishing you for speaking up. A respectful partner, friend, or coworker will at least try to address things directly and in a reasonable timeframe.
2. Are they accountable?
Accountability is relationship 101. It’s not about agreeing on every detail, it’s about acknowledging how our behavior impacts each other.
If the other person can drop their ego long enough to say, “I hear how that affected you,” even if they didn’t intend harm, you’re on the path toward repair. Without accountability, there’s no true way forward.
3. Do their actions match their words?
Consistency matters. It’s easy for someone to say the right thing in the moment, but healthy relationships require follow-through.
If someone repeatedly promises change but never delivers, that pattern will show up in conflicts too. Inconsistent behavior is often a hallmark of toxic dynamics, it signals you may not be able to rely on their words at all.
4. Are they being honest?
Honesty is more than “I didn’t technically lie.” Withholding information that changes how you’d make a decision is still dishonesty.
I’ve learned this the hard way. If something feels off in your body, even when the other person swears they’re being truthful, trust that intuition. A healthy dynamic requires transparency, not selective truths designed to control the outcome.
5. Do I feel seen and heard?
One of the simplest but most telling signs: do you feel respected in the relationship?
If you’re constantly being interrupted, dismissed, or invalidated, that’s not a small thing. It chips away at your self-worth. In healthy connections, empathy flows both ways. You feel valued as your full self, not minimized or overlooked.
6. Are my boundaries respected?
Boundaries are how we teach people to love us. If you ask for space in an argument, can the other person honor that? If you say no, do they respect it?
When boundaries are constantly bulldozed, it’s a red flag. Love, whether romantic, platonic, or professional, cannot thrive without mutual respect for personal limits.
Final Thoughts
We can’t avoid conflict, but we can choose how we engage with it. When you notice these signs, it doesn’t automatically mean you have to walk away, but it should be considered am I in a healthy dynamic? By asking yourself these questions you can have more clarity. And clarity gives you power: the power to set firmer boundaries, to speak your truth, and, when o course to choose yourself.
I was invited back to Afternoon Live to talk about this very topic, because it’s one of the most common patterns I help people untangle in my retreats and 1:1 practice.
Check out my newest segment on Afternoon Live TV ➝ How to Protect Yourself in Relationships – The Hidden Signs of Toxic Dynamics
Watch here
Listen on the She Saves Herself Podcast:
Prefer to take this on the go? Tune into the She Saves Herself podcast where I dive into this conversation, with what I shared on Afternoon Live TV. In this episode, “Conflict vs. Control: The Hidden Signs of Toxic Communication,” you’ll learn how to spot the red flags, protect your energy, and reclaim your power in every relationship.
Because at the end of the day, a healthy relationship is one where both people care enough about one another and themselves to meet each other with honesty, empathy, and mutual respect. And if that’s missing, it’s okay to step back to protect your peace.
Watch: I was invited back to Afternoon Live to talk about this very topic, because it’s one of the most common patterns I help people untangle in my retreats and 1:1 practice. Check out my newest segment on Afternoon Live TV ➝ How to Protect Yourself in Relationships – The Hidden Signs of Toxic Dynamics
Ready to Go Deeper?
Conflict is part of life. But have you noticed how some disagreements bring you closer, while others leave you feeling unseen, unheard, and unsettled?
If you’ve been here, you’re not alone. As empaths, people pleasers, and sensitive souls, we often blame ourselves first. But many times, it’s not about you, it’s about the toxic dynamic itself. This is something I see every time we gather in retreat. When we finally slow down and look at the patterns, it becomes so clear: it’s not always what we’re fighting about, it’s how the other person shows up that determines if the relationship can heal or not.
If you’re tired of repeating the same draining patterns, I invite you to my next in-person retreat in the beautiful Berkshire Mountains at Kripalu. Over five days, you’ll strengthen your relationship with yourself, release old patterns of negative self-talk, shame, and blame, and learn the power of self-respect, self-value, and knowing your worth. These shifts ripple into every relationship, improving the quality of your life.
The Fall in Love with Yourself and Life Retreat is my signature event, inspired by my international bestselling book The Self-Love Experiment.It retreat fills up quickly, and if you’ve attended before, you’ll be glad to know that all-new content and updated material awaits.
By the end of these five days, you won’t just feel more grounded in yourself, you’ll leave with practical tools to transform every relationship in your life.
Fall in Love with Yourself and Life Retreat
When: November 2–7, 2025
Where: Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health
Space is limited.
Grab Your Spot Here
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