In honor of World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (June 1), we’re going to peel back a deeper psychological layer. Most content on Narcissistic Abuse focuses on the narcissist and the abuse itself. Here, we’re going to talk about the conditioning that taught so many of us to disconnect from ourselves in order to stay connected to these types of people. This is not about judgment, blame, or shame, but recognizing patterns and understanding relationship dynamics so we can heal, make smarter and healthier choices, and reconnect with ourselves.

The biggest red flag wasn’t the ones I ignored in them…
it was how often I abandoned myself trying to stay connected to them.

Many people leave high-conflict, manipulative relationships blaming themselves:
“How did I not see it sooner?”
“How did I miss the signs?”

But when we are honest with ourselves, we didn’t miss the signs, we overrode them. This pattern didn’t begin in the relationship. It began in conditioning.

Many of us learn early on that receiving love from some people requires overfunctioning, self-sacrifice, ignoring our own needs, hypervigilance, or emotional caretaking.

We learn to stop asking, “Does this feel safe for me?”

Instead, we lean into, “This feels familiar,” it’s what we were taught love is, so we shift to asking, “How do I keep the connection?”

And without realizing it, we slowly become the accommodator, the overfunctioner, the one carrying the emotional weight of a relationship that has become imbalanced, disrespectful, one-sided, or unsafe.

That is why so many people override their intuition, explain away inconsistency, tolerate imbalance, and misunderstand disrespect. We stay loyal even while our body is signaling distress.

In order to stay in relationship with controlling, high-conflict, toxic, exploitative, transactional, or narcissistic people, you often have to abandon yourself in order to keep the relationship functioning.

The more we educate ourselves on why we accepted, minimized, justified, or normalized these dynamics, the more we strengthen self-worth, self-trust, discernment, and self-respect. The turning point comes when we realize that being chosen by someone else means very little if we have abandoned ourselves in the process.

A healthier relationship begins internally, the moment we stop leaving ourselves to keep others comfortable. True healing is in becoming more connected to our true selves and refusing to ever abandon ourselves again in the name of love.

In honor of World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (June 1), awareness is not about labeling people, but about understanding dynamics and remaining aware of relationship behaviors that are unacceptable, unsafe, and unyielding.

It’s about recognizing the patterns that disconnect us from ourselves, rebuilding self-trust, and understanding that self-abandonment is not love.

Abandoning yourself is not love — it’s self-betrayal.

Ready to break the pattern? Explore 1:1 Embodied Mentorships with Shannon Kaiser. Summer enrollment now open.