Listen to audio version on the She Saves Herself Podcast.

Emotional abuse doesn’t just break your heart, it can quietly impact every part of your body and mind. Over time, the stress of walking on eggshells, trying to appease others, or constantly questioning your reality can manifest as anxiety, depression, and even chronic pain.

As someone who’s lived through it and escaped for decades, I know how easy it is to normalize these dynamics and tell yourself “It’s not that bad,” “or well they went through a lot of trauma,”  But what I’ve learned through both personal experience and my work as a trauma-informed life coach and mentor, is that subtle, covert forms of control are still abuse, and they can wreak havoc on your mental health and your nervous system.

Spotting Covert Control and Bullying Tactics

Many people associate “bullies” with childhood playground buttheads, but emotional manipulation can carry into adulthood and impact us in all areas of life, including your own home and personal relationships. During National Bullying Awareness Week, I wanted to shine light on some of the more subtle ways covert control can sneak in.

One manipulation tactic is called word salad. This happens when a person speaks in circles, contradicts themselves, or constantly changes the subject mid-sentence, this leaves you feeling confused and unsure. If you find yourself leaving conversations feeling confused, dysregulated,  dizzy or doubting your own memory, that’s not a communication issue, it’s a control tactic that was intentionally used to try to keep you doubting yourself so you don’t have time to doubt the other person.

Healthy Relationships Create Clarity. Manipulative Ones Create Chaos.

If you notice this pattern, try keeping the conversation direct and asking clarifying questions. Your confusion is not your fault; it’s a red flag.

How Emotional Abuse Affects the Body

Living in a constant state of stress and hypervigilance impacts your entire body. Research now links emotional abuse to nervous-system dysregulation and chronic health conditions.

In my own journey, I was diagnosed with clinical depression over a decade ago, and later with fibromyalgia. When I began to unpack the emotional and energetic roots, I discovered that the unprocessed trauma and chronic anxiety from emotionally abusive relationships had kept my system in fight-or-flight for years.

When you’re surrounded by people who refuse accountability, your body often carries the emotional weight for them. It’s exhausting — mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Reclaiming Safety and Power

Healing begins when you start listening to your intuition again. That quiet inner knowing that says, “Something feels off,” is there to protect you.

If you suspect you’re in an emotionally abusive dynamic:

• Start documenting patterns. Take notes or screenshots, photos etc to help you stay grounded in reality.
• Seek external support. Whether through therapy, coaching, or online groups, you deserve a safe space to be believed and guided.
• Practice “gray rocking.” When direct escape isn’t possible — such as co-parenting or shared housing — respond minimally and without emotional charge. It helps minimize their control.
• Prioritize no-contact when you can. Distance creates clarity and gives your nervous system the space it needs to heal.

Finding Hope and Healing

Healing from narcissistic abuse isn’t an overnight process — it’s a reclamation of self. When I finally began trusting my intuition, it led me step by step: to the right book, to the right therapist, and eventually to write about it in Return to You.

Every small act of self-trust adds up. Whether that’s saying “no” without apology, taking a deep breath before responding, or choosing peace over proving your worth — it all matters.

You are not broken for having stayed. You are brave for choosing to see. And your body, mind, and spirit can absolutely heal.

If you’re navigating emotional abuse or recovery, explore the rest of the website. I’ve created SheSavesHerself.org, a collective of healing resources, programs, and tools to help you rebuild from the inside out.

And if you’d like to go deeper, you can listen to the full conversation on my podcast, She Saves Herself, where I share more about healing, intuition, and reclaiming your power.

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