Getting to know someone new can be exciting, but it can also be confusing, especially when you’re dealing with someone whose intentions are very different from your own.

When you meet someone new, getting to know them can be one of life’s most exciting experiences. The conversations flow effortlessly, the banter is playful, and with every story you share, you begin opening yourself up to the possibility of something more meaningful.

But sometimes, the person sitting across from you isn’t who they present themselves to be. Some people wear masks and have an agenda. They’re strategic about the words they use, and perhaps even more strategic about what they choose not to say.

What people say matters. But sometimes, what they don’t say reveals even more

When you’re dealing with an emotionally manipulative person, they’re often just as strategic about what they leave out and what they share with you is calculated. This is known as the art of omission. They don’t necessarily have to lie outright. Instead, they withhold information that would change how you interact with them or how you see them. Without the full context, your mind naturally fills in the blanks, often with the most generous interpretation possible.

Of course, not every omission is manipulative. People leave things out for all kinds of understandable reasons: privacy, embarrassment, anxiety, forgetfulness, or simply because they don’t think something is relevant. The difference is the pattern. Emotionally manipulative people repeatedly omit information in ways that consistently benefit them, shape your perception, preserve access to you, or help them avoid accountability. Over time, those missing pieces don’t just change the conversation—they change the reality you’re making decisions from.

To a skilled manipulator, they bank on this. Many of us were raised to believe that seeing the good in people is always the right thing to do. We were taught to forgive, extend grace, and not to judge others. While these are compassionate qualities and important for human connection, when relating with an emotionally manipulative person, these same qualities can be used against us. It becomes natural for us to explain away inconsistencies, minimize our discomfort, and overlook what our intuition is trying to tell us. Discernment is needed.

Over the years, I’ve met quite a few people who relied on omission as a means to an end. Some turned out to be exploitative. Others were opportunistic, controlling, or incredibly unsafe. Looking back, none of them announced themselves with obvious warning signs. Instead, they said things that sounded surprisingly normal.

Which got me thinking:

• What if some of the most common phrases we hear every day aren’t always as innocent as they sound.
• If someone only shows us what they want us to see, what clues are hiding in plain sight?
• And furthermore how much of what we believe about people comes from what they’ve actually shown us, and how much comes from the story we’ve filled in ourselves?

While researching and writing my forthcoming book, Nourish Your Inner Light, I came to a surprising realization: self-trust may be one of the most important forms of protection when navigating manipulative relationships. As I reflected on my own experiences, I began noticing something unexpected. It wasn’t just the lies that mattered; it was the recurring phrases, their carefully crafted stories, and the missing pieces that kept me emotionally invested while revealing very little about who the other person really was.

What surprised me most was that some of these lines were almost identical, despite coming from completely different people who had never met. That made me wonder: how could unrelated people say the same things?

Well, as it turns out, exploitative people seek to influence, exploit, and control others, so they rely on similar communication patterns because they tend to produce the same result. The words build trust, create emotional investment, lower your guard, or discourage you from asking harder questions.

On their own, these phrases aren’t necessarily red flags. But when they’re paired with inconsistent behavior, omissions, or a pattern of self-serving actions, they can take on a very different meaning.

Here are ten things exploitative people said to me that I wish I had understood sooner.

1. “I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I’m working on myself.”

The phrase “I’m working on myself” can create the appearance of growth while buying time and preserving access to you, all while keeping you emotionally invested without making a commitment.

It turned out, for me, they weren’t working on themselves. He was already in another relationship, living a double life.

2. “My past is “X” that is why I “Y”.”

“I’ve had a lot of betrayals in my past from people I trusted, so I kind of keep to myself now.” These words often aren’t about self-disclosure. They’re about making you feel like you’ve been carefully chosen. I’ve had this said to me, and the reality is, he was just mirroring my own situation back to me to force early connection. I later discovered he wasn’t keeping to himself at all. He was entertaining someone new almost every night.

3. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

3. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This can sound like an apology, but it often isn’t one. Instead of taking responsibility for their behavior, the focus shifts to your emotional reaction. The underlying message becomes: your feelings are the problem—not my actions.

When used repeatedly, this phrase can become a form of blame-shifting. Rather than acknowledging the behavior that caused the hurt, it subtly redirects the conversation toward your response, leaving you questioning whether your feelings were justified in the first place.

4. “This is just who and how I Am.”

This can sound like authenticity, but in the hands of an emotionally manipulative person, it’s a way to shut down accountability. Instead of reflecting on the impact of their behavior, they present it as an unchangeable part of their identity. The unspoken message is: accept me exactly as I am, or you’re the problem. But healthy people can accept who they are while still being aware and taking responsibility for how they affect others.

5.  “I don’t invite other women over to my house ever. You’re the first one.”

For exploitative people, whether this is true or not isn’t always the point. The statement can be used strategically to make you feel uniquely important, fast-track intimacy, and create a false sense of trust.

I felt chosen when he said this to me, but later I found out three other women had already been to his house that same week. It was a line to charm, nothing more.

6. “I’ve had some really bad luck financially.”

“I lost a lot of money recently.” “I’m just trying to get back on my feet.” “Wow you must make a lot of money!” Anything money related on the first few dates is something to take note of. The question isn’t always about curiosity. When opportunistic people talk about money early on in the connection, they usually mean, “I’m trying to figure out what kind of lifestyle you can offer me.”

(This was said to me, and that person stole money from me and turned out to be a con artist… but that’s a story for another day.)

7. “When I meet new people, I tend to look at how they fit into my life and add value.”

What they’re really saying: “I’m assessing what you can do for me instead of caring about who you truly are.”  People like this often view relationships through the lens of personal gain rather than mutual connection.

I had a guy say this to me on our first date, and although I thought that was an odd thing to say, I pushed it aside. By a couple of months in, he ghosted me when I stopped paying for our meals. Figures.

8. “I’m happy to help, but I’ll need something from you too.”

“This is a gift for you, but under one condition: you share it on your social media and tag me.” Anything under any condition is not genuine. This isn’t really about generosity. It’s a transaction disguised as one. The gift, time, support etc, can become a way of testing what you’ll agree to in return.

9.  “You made me do it. You’re making me look like the bad guy.”

This is an emotional manipulator’s secret weapon. They love saying this as it shifts responsibility for their choices onto you while avoiding accountability for their own behavior. For me, when I stopped accepting responsibility for his behavior, the friendship and relationships imploded.

10. “All my friends and ex’s pretty much do/did what I want them to do.”

RUN!

For exploitative people, relationships are often about control rather than connection. Statements like this can reveal how they expect relationships to work: they decide, and everyone else complies. You will have no choice or agency.

When he said this to me, I still remember the look in his eyes. There was a subtle glimmer of pride, as though having that level of influence over other people was his greatest achievment. When I stopped complying and began setting boundaries, the relationship imploded. What followed was a calculated smear campaign filled with falsehoods that tried to damage my reputation.

Looking back, I realized that when someone can no longer control you, they may try to control how other people see you.

In Closing

None of this means you should become suspicious of everyone you meet or assume the worst in people. Most people are kind, honest, and doing their best. The goal isn’t to become fearful—it’s to become more discerning.

Looking back, every one of these conversations had something in common. On the surface, the words sounded perfectly ordinary. But each time, I remember having the same quiet thought: Huh… that’s odd. I dismissed it, explained it away, or convinced myself I was overthinking.

I wasn’t overthinking. My intuition was picking up on something my conscious mind hadn’t fully pieced together yet. Self-trust doesn’t mean you’ll never be deceived. It means you’ll stop abandoning what you notice in order to preserve someone else’s story. The more you learn to trust your own observations, the less likely you are to ignore the subtle patterns that reveal a person’s character.